*Please keep in mind that this page may go extremely in-depth; it is highly recommended that you acquire an extra pair of pants if you plan on reading this page in its entirety. We here at the Girthology wiki take no responsibility for any permanent psychological or physical damage. Additionally, this page shall encompass both Girthology as a theory as well as the concept of Girth itself. Therefore, Girth is not granted its own page, because its premise is derived solely from this article.*
Girthology is an extremely abstract concept developed by Dylan Moore. The theory was developed as a means of analyzing one's ability to oversee a magnitude of people, therefore analyzing the strength of their parental capability. In a much more familiar or dumbed-down sense, Girthology is the study of the measurement of one's figurative Girth, but NOT in the literal sense. Girth was chosen as a word that was connotatively self-defined that seemed to fit the definition quite well (more about the word choice in its own section). To broaden this theory's audience by shaping the theory into more relatable terms, one's Girth is measured by their ability to function as a parental figure. For example, if, through a de-facto Girth Analysis, one were to notice that their parent or immediate superior was surprisingly good at raising them, taking care of them, nurturing them, or overseeing them, it would be a fair statement to claim that the aforementioned superior is rather Girthy. If you wish to further immerse yourself in the world of Girthologist theory, seeing as this is the most important page on this entire wiki, I recommend you read further.
For many non-Girthologists, the word Girth (yes, I fucking capitalized it, get used to it) may have heavily-sexual undertones, however, this is absolutely not what Girthology is referring to. In a broad sense, it is understood that Girth can refer to the quality of something or to its purity, and this word was carefully chosen as the perfect parallel (good chance for a rhetorical analysis there, kids) to the sheer concept of Girth and its implications. In other words, if Girth, in a broad sense, refers to the measurement of something's quality or structural integrity, it can be applied in a parallel fashion and therefore implant itself perfectly into Girthology, as the theory, in its own broad sense, refers to the QUALITY or INTEGRITY of one's parental capabilities.
How to identify one's GirthEdit
Identifying one's girth can be achieved through a standard procedure known as a Girth Analysis. As always, more is available of this concept on its own page, but, in a broad sense, a Girth Analysis is a formulaic technique used to quantify one's girth. However, this method supersedes the obligation for orthodox thought processes by eliminating the need for numerical notation in its entirety. Rather, one's Girth is solely quantified on a spectrum with a rough orientation assigned to it. Said method includes evaluating their time passage and the predictability of their actions. Thus, spontaneity, quirk, and immense care are requirements to prosper on the Girth Spectrum.